I mentioned in my last post that I’ve been thinking a lot about graduation and what all comes with that. AKA: moving back home. I love home – I’m not dreading that part. Have you ever given yourself a fresh start? I’m meaning dropped everything and moved away to a clean slate where no one knew you. It’s a surprisingly wonderful thing. If you haven’t done this I highly recommend everyone should do this at some point in their life because it forces a person out of their comfort zone. You have to put yourself out there to learn your new surroundings, to make new friends and to succeed at your new job or school, or what ever you moved away for. It’s lovely because you develop a lot as a person in so many ways. As awesome as moving away to new places is, it can also create bad habits like running away from things you should be facing or avoiding situations that you will have to encounter eventually. You know what I’m saying? A person can’t run away forever… I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. Moving home with no clean slates on the radar means I know I’m going to have to face a couple things that I’ve been avoiding. What’s crazy is that I’ve been having more and more peace about it as I come closer to the date. I won’t lie that it’s been a stress factor in my life for a couple weeks now; but with every week – the more I pray about it and bring it to the Lord, the more confident I am feeling about it. I’m feeling confident because I believe that God is equipping me with the things that I need in order to deal with it in the right way. My strength is coming from Jesus.
While at school, I know my faith has been tested with fire. Sometimes I was burned and other times I was refined. I feel like I have grown deeper in my faith and strong in Him because He has allowed me to fall and get up again. Kinda like a kid learning to walk – the parent is always there watching and sometimes catches them so they aren’t terribly hurt, but sometimes they allow the kid to fall on their butt because they know it will help them learn. Anyways, I’ve been trying to figure out how I can bring the new things I’ve learned and bring them home. I think that’s the scary part of going back after being away on a fresh start: you go back and people some times expect you to be the same person you were when you left – even we all know that’s not possible. Living away at college has taught me so many things that I know I would not have learned anywhere else. I want to go home and be the same person there as I am here. I was praying about it a lot this week and the other day I was talking to my friend about it, “It’s not about pleasing people Payton. The only one you should be trying to please is God. He is the only one that matters. What other people think of who you are now shouldn’t be a concern to you.” He told me. I’m tired of having a fake front. I’ve had the opportunity to grow and become real to others about my weaknesses and live in a way where people can see the strength of Jesus in me – I want to be real with everyone and show them how Christ has freed me from so many things with out them saying, “Oh Payton came home from college and now she’s gone rogue.” We talked for a bit longer about the balance of living raw and real – being defined in Christ means that He sees His Son in us and we have freedom in that.
Galatians 2:20, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
“When it comes to that, you have to realize that God asks us to live day by day with Him because if we were ever able to live and figure everything out for ourselves, we wouldn’t need God – essentially. When you don’t know how you should respond; you need to call out to Him for the answer and trust that He will reveal it to you. Should you be saying something to that person to should you let it go? Should you act on that situation or should you hold back? Only the Holy Spirit in you can guide you in those moments.” I know we don’t live in a black and white world; and there are more than 50 shades of grey. But what may be white to me is black to others and vis-versa. In church we had a guest speaker and he spoke about the Holy Spirit. It was as if my conversation the other day, was God prepping me for what He was planning in the service. So cool. “Have you ever looked at old married couples and noticed that they look alike?” The speaker started, “well it’s actually scientifically proven that old married couples literally do look alike because they have spent so much time together doing the same things and reacting similarly. For example, a couple that loves to joke around a laugh a lot, they will both have laugh lines and wrinkles in the same spots. A couple that enjoys the same style will dress the same, and enjoy doing the same things together, etc. We should be growing old with Christ and looking more and more like Him each day. The more time you spend with God the more people will see you in Him and Him in you.” I thought that was such a cool concept! But also, the more time we spend with the Lord the more He will make our steps ahead of us clearer. He will give you the words to say and He will give you the ability to hold your tongue. He will give to the actions when you are required to act and He will help you remain still. Be satisfied knowing that!
John 15:11, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.“
We cannot fully comprehend what is good and what is bad – we are only human. However, when we are rusting God daily with all of our hopes, struggles, strengths and fears, He will make those grey areas fade into black and white. When I continue to spend time with God and continue to submit my worries to Him, I know that He will meet me where I am at and comfort me there. The speaker ended with 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” and a metaphor, “Light can only shine through things that are transparent or cracked. If a light was kept in something perfectly sealed or solid; no one would know it is there.” Reminding us that our light for Christ shines through our weaknesses and when we are real. I’m trusting that God will give me the opportunities to share the things that I have learned in my faith by being out at college and He will give me other times to practice my patience and self-control (which I happen to know also need a lot of work) but I’m looking forward to growing in a new way by returning home instead of approaching another “clean slate”
– Stay Satisfied