I’ve jumped into a trust fall….. again…

It’s been an eventful month. I have a lot to fill you in on. Soooooo grab coffee and put on comfy pants, because those are important. Recently, I moved back to Alberta for school and I feel like my brain has been oozing outta my left ear. This past week I’ve constantly been relating myself to where I was this time of year, last year. Do you ever do that? Think to yourself, “Huh, this time last year I was {insert whatever you were doing}” I realized that I do that… like a lot… I’ve realized that this is the first time in years where I’m returning to something. I’m going somewhere I’ve been and where I know people and have friends. That hasn’t happened in a long time. Years ago I moved to British Columbia for bible school for a year. After that, I moved back to Saskatchewan for a year. Then I moved to Alberta to start more school. This year I’m moving back to Alberta. Don’t get me wrong – I love moving around and experiencing new things. I especially enjoy moving somewhere for a decent amount of time where I can actually meet friends and experience life. The only “problem” with that, was that I ended up making friends in every direction across the country and very few of them actually life close to me. So, to say the least, I am ecstatic to be returning to people and places that I enjoy! Although, now that I’m thinking about it; sometimes I think God allows us to go through a bit of a gong show to test us and see if we will chose to trust Him and sit back to watch Him drive.

Sunflower 1

I don’t know about you, but I like to do things. I love being busy and I adore having a list and a schedule – especially when it’s all in a cute day planner *wink* However, there are a lot of things that recently happened that I did not write in my day planner and would have rather tried to avoid entirely! They may not be as drastic as moving away or diving in to school, or starting a new job, or whatever, but they are the things that I believe God threw into my path to see how I’ll handle it. I’ll be the first one to confess that I’m usually the first person to go deer-in-the-head-lights and pull out my hair…. It may seem weird to make this comparison, but I think about the Joker in Batman: Dark Night. The Joker is talking to Harvey Dent; currently in the hospital. Harvey is angry at the Joker because of his “plan”. The Joker then begins to explain to Harvey that he doesn’t have plans. He just, does things, to well.. more or less, screw up the plans that others make. The Joker then begins to point out people that do have plans; the government, the police, etc. “You know what I noticed?” the Joker started, “No body panics when things go “according to plan” – even if the plan is horrifying! If tomorrow I said that something bad was going to happen; and it happens the next day, no one panics because “it was all according to the plan”. They knew it was going to happen.” That scene made me think about my life a lot. I am a planner. A massive planner. Not meaning I like to organize events, but I always like to know what is coming down the pipe. I hate surprises for that reason alone. Surprises are not in my plan, therefore I freak out. I know, it’s weird and unfortunate but I have TRIED to enjoy surprises and I can’t. I literally fake it until I make it. Anyways, when I thought about what the Joker said, I realized that this is the first time in years where I am returning to a familiar place. I know what to expect. I remember coaching myself on the drive back to Alberta, telling myself that this is going to be an awesome year because I already know the plan. It wasn’t until about a week ago when I finally noticed God tapping me on the shoulder. “Hey. Hey! Remember where you were this time last year?” God asked me. “Yeah, I was loving life and going to school for interior design!” “No, no, like, exactly this time last year.” I started thinking. This time last year, the last few weeks of summer were so hard because I had to say goodbye to so many wonderful friends. The first few weeks of September were incredibly difficult because I began to realize how lonely I was. This time last year I was depending on the Lord WAY more than I currently am. “Oh…” I started to think. “Yeeaaahhhh…” God replied.

Sunflower 2“Payton, I know you are excited about this year. I am happy that you are looking forward to returning to Alberta instead of jumping into a new pond like you have the past three years. But I’m not happy about your heart right now. You feel like you know the drill. You know you have friends here. You know you enjoy school. You know you have a great relationship with your teachers. You know you are going back to live with a wonderful family in a place you can truly call home. It’s because of all those things that you are not trusting Me with all your heart. It is because you think you don’t have to trust me about those things this year that you are leaning on your own understanding. You need to keep acknowledging ME in all things so that I can keep leading you. It was quite the tap on the shoulder. I don’t think I could ever express my life exactly a year ago to you. 365 days ago, I was once again moving somewhere I didn’t know. I was again going to be spending a lot of time with a lot of people I hadn’t met before. I didn’t know what the plan was. Que panic attack. Last year, was one of the biggest growing years in my relationship with my Saviour. I knew that God had called me to go to Alberta for interior design. I had no idea why or what it would be used for in the future but God asked me to simply trust Him with that year. So I began praying for someone that I could confide in. I remember praying, “God, I know that you are always with me. I know you understand me and that you care about me. You know my need for companionship and my desire to have a friend I can spend time with. Please send someone my way when I am in Alberta. Please bring a girl along that I can talk to and listen to, someone who I want to spend time with and someone that wants to spend time with me.” Then God gave me a vision. K, let me say first, that I’m not all into the weird signs, visions and dreams kinda thing. I usually think those things are a bit…. ummmm…. phoney and for show. You know? Where people act all “super spiritual” and whatnot, but this, for the first time in my life, I knew was a vision from the Lord. I knew God gave me a vision because it was a simple picture as an answer to what I had just prayed. In my vision, I saw a canyon; giant red rock that stretched high into the sky where a bright sun was blaring and where there were no clouds to provide shade. Running through the middle of  the canyon was a river. In a matter of minutes the river shrank and became a trickle then dried up. I saw a man sitting to the side. He was alone and sat against a rock and looked into the sky. As he looked, two ravens appeared; approached him and then flew away. I sat in my room and cried.

Sunflower 3

I cried because I knew the man was Elijah. Most of the people that know me, know that Elijah is my all time favorite bible character. I love him because he was real with God. He was sassy and failed a lot. Elijah was far from perfect, but he was extremely close with God. Ever since I was little, I’ve always asked God to give me a life like Elijah. Anyways, I knew that the image God gave me was directly from His Word in 1 Kings chapter 17. In verse 7 it says that the brook dried up because there was no rain in the land. Prior to my first year of school, I felt the Lord had strengthen me in Him and helped me dig my roots deeper in Him. “Go away from here and live by the brook” God told Elijah. I knew that God was calling me to a new place just like God was calling Elijah. I understood that God had given me a summer to soak in as much as I could because I was going to be entering a drought. I had people all summer encouraging me and pushing me forward in my relationship with God and now I would be entering another place where I would not have those people to encourage me and push me. Verse 6 however, says that ravens brought Elijah food. I thought my “ravens” could possibly be my friends from home who could encourage me and push me to continue trusting the Lord, despite the long distance. My ravens could fly in and fly out – just like Elijah’s. I was encouraged and extremely discouraged at the same time. “God, you know I admire Elijah and his relationship with you, but is this really necessary?”

Sunflower 4

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27

“Payton, did I leave Elijah by the river?” “…no” “No, I didn’t,” God said, “and I’m not going to leave you either. Trust Me; you have no idea what I’m going to do through you and you can’t imagine all the things you are going to learn; about yourself, in school, from others, but most importantly, from Me.” It wasn’t until a week or two later that I finally told God, “Ok. I know I need you. I’m so scared to face this year alone God. I’m terrified at the thought of sitting by that stream by myself, but I know that if this is what you have for me, I can’t stop it from happening but I also know that it will be good. I am ok to walk this year alone with you. I am ok to be alone. Please give me the courage to continue trusting you.” As the weeks went by in my first year of Interior Design school, I found the ravens that God had blessed me with. It wasn’t until after I submitted what I wanted to God that He sent two incredible girls into my life. Just like He sent ravens to help Elijah when he needed them. It was like the flick of a coin; I had to give up what I wanted before God gave Me what He was saving for me. You ladies have no idea how much of an answer to prayer you are in my life. Even now, while I’m thinking about it. That was never apart of my plan. It was apart of God’s plan. I always freak out when things don’t go according to MY plan – even though God’s plan is 100% better than anything we could ever come up with. He simply chooses to go about it in different ways. Guys, I want to encourage you and challenge you to put down the day planner and leave your schedule blank before the Lord. I challenge you to also give up what you’ve been wanting for so long. Be ok to accept what God has said and trust that He has something better than what you have written in your “day planner”. I had no idea that my last year would be so amazing, but it only got good when I put down my own will. God is only going to work for you when you stop working so hard for yourself. There is this one passage in Ephesians 3:20 & 21 that gets me excited, “Now to Him who is able to do far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams, according to the power that works within us, to God be the glory forever and ever.” This week God tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out that I haven’t quite been trusting Him with everything. I’m excited for all that He has in store for me this year. Who knows what I’ll do, or who I’ll meet or where I’ll go. I know that I need to continue trusting Him in all areas of my life and seek him in all things that come up! You haven’t got a clue where God will take you, or who He’ll introduce you to or what He will allow to cross your path. Even though we don’t know what God has scheduled in His day planner, I can guarantee you one thing – it’ll be incredible and no one could have predicted it! Go after it like gold!

 

 

 

– Stay Satisfied

2 thoughts on “I’ve jumped into a trust fall….. again…

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