Do you know what’s crazy? My ability to forget things. Honestly, I should receive an award, or something, or an autographed picture of Dory… but then again, I don’t think I actually want to be recognized for this. Anyways, Do you ever have those things that, you know you know, but always seem to forget? Like, those face palm things – no matter how hard you try, they always seem to slip your mind. Actually, the other day, my brother had a couple words written on his hands to remind him of something that he had to do later. When he was questioned about it in the evening he was like, “I know there was a reason… I can’t remember… but I wrote those words so I WOULD remember!!!” Que face palm. Or maybe it’s just my family, we’re all crazy and can’t remember what we really need to remember BUT I can remember that the Safeway banana code 4011…
Spoiler Alert: This past week I started my new job at the design store. *Major Happy Dance* To say that I was on cloud nine about this job would be a complete understatement. To start off though, there was a bit of confusion on my side as to whether or not I was actually going to get the job in the first place! I was stressed outta my mind and had so much anxiety. Mmmmmk, so it started over the Easter break, while I was in town I popped into this design store because I had heard that it was absolutely stunning; massive crystal chandeliers, quartz bathtubs, solid wood hand carved furniture, I could honestly go on and gawk all day about this place. Seriously. And on top of everything amazing in the store, there was a privately owned coffee shop made into the store. When I told my friends about this place, they all agreed that it had my name written all over it! After talking with the manager, corresponding through email and giving them my resume I finally had a phone interview set up later that week. I was stoked. No, extremely stoked. After what felt like decades, my interview finally came; I was extremely excited and quite nervous. But then, outta no where, my interview fell through and it never happened. I had no reason why and I didn’t understand. I was torn up and just somber. Why? I remember that night just being quiet and in shock. I had so much hope put on this job and after building my hopes up I felt like I was never given a shot at it. I wasn’t given the chance to show what I can do.Then God tapped me on the shoulder, “Payton, why do you think this fell through?” With bitterness, “Oh I don’t know, cause nothing’s fair in this world and I knew this job was too good to be true..” “Mmmmmm.. no.” Silence. “You were doing this all on your own. You planned it out, you talked it up, you organized yourself and thought that you didn’t need Me to score the job for you. You didn’t even really ask for my help – not wholeheartedly.” Did I do that…? That’s such a simple thing to do.. I’m sure I asked the Lord to help me through this. I was positive I talked to God about this and asked Him to line it up. Buuuuuuut obviously, if He was tappin me on the shoulder and saying other wise.. ha, I obviously did not. Drat.
I forgot the obvious…. AGAIN but this time is was waaaaaay more important. Why.. no, HOW do I always seem to do that. Forget my car keys, fine. Forget my wallet, annoying. But forget God? How big was this job to me that I somehow tuned Him out of it all? In some ways I’m thankful that the job fell through because it woke me up.
“Now I commend you because you remember me in everything..” – 2 Corinthians 11:2
So as disappointed as I was about the job falling through, I knew that it was something that seemed bad, God meant for good. Don’t get me wrong, I was upset at the time, but I’ve also had time to get over it. The biggest thing that bothered me was that now I had no job set up for when I got back from school. That was my pressure. I wanted a job that related to what I was learning in school this past year in interior design so that I would hopefully be able to apply it to my second year starting this fall. But now I had no leads for any design related jobs this summer. I remember praying about jobs this summer and asking God to provide something in this field if it was what He wanted me to be doing. What was so cool is that the next week, the owner contacted me about setting up another interview as if nothing had ever happened before. I was ecstatic. God answered my prayers – I might have another shot at this. We decided that once I finished school and was home to stay for the summer, I would stop in to the store near closing time for an interview. All week I prayed and asked God to lead the way this time. I blew it the first time trying to stick it out on my own and now He was giving me a second shot to do it with Him. Interview day number two finally came and as I was driving to the design store I remember praying, asking God that if this was truly where He wanted me to be this summer that He would make it completely clear and I would not only do well in the interview but that it would feel right and comfortable. However, if I wasn’t supposed to be there, and if this job wasn’t for me despite this miraculous second stab at an interview; I would fail miserably and that it woils be just as clear if I wasn’t supposed to be working there this summer. So I walked in and asked God for His will to happen. Immediately, one of the guys started teasing me about breaking stuff and the owner was cracking jokes as if he had known me for years. The manager and I sat down and she asked me all about school; what classes I took, what I enjoyed and hated. She asked what my personal design styles and interests were. I felt calm and it didn’t feel like an interview, it felt like getting together with an old friend over coffee. We talked for over an hour about the store, her interests and my interests. God made it crystal clear. I was supposed to work here. After I left, the manager told me that I could start when ever it best suited me the following week. God, is incredibly good. I was beyond excited when I left the store – God had potentially given me my dream job.
“And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you…” – Deuteronomy 8:2
My first day at the design store was a couple days ago and I equally loved it but left feeling defeated. That morning driving to the store, I was convincing myself that I was ready for this, “It’s a big step, yes, but you’ve gone to school for this Payton. Trust what you’ve been studying and go with your gut. Be confident and friendly and it’ll be ok.” But as the day went on I lost more and more confidence with each passing hour. I don’t know exactly how to describe it. I loved the people I was working with. They are funny, personable and understanding about me being the noob around the shop. At the end of the day I felt like over half of the things they showed me, talked to me about and had me do, all went in one ear and out the other. Dang it. Like, I’d say that I’m a decently fast learner but I could not get my ducks in a line. They were flying, diving and quacking everywhere…. probably laughing at me too. I was getting PO’s, Invoices and Quotes mixed up. I could not remember the different designer names for the life of me and I started to doubt whether or not this was the direction I wanted my life to be headed. Even though I enjoy doing designing for fun and loved school, maybe I wasn’t actually cut out for this, you know? I feel like God felt my discouragement and gave me a confidence boost. A client had come into the store with several printed images of chandeliers from pinterest. My manager gave me a list of designers that he said might have something similar to what she was hoping for and let me run with it. “Yeah, source a couple she might like and we’ll see what she says!” Ok, here was something I knew I could do. “God, please don’t let me screw this one up.” I found several but there was one in particular that was a little bit of a curve ball. Silver, crystal, a little blingy – all in all, stunning. It wasn’t quite what she asked for but I thought I’d throw it in the mix to see what she’d say. Worst case scenario… I pretend it was an accident and that I didn’t actually mean to show her that photo. In her consultation; she loved it. Right away, she gravitated to it. My heart was so happy. Thank you Jesus. You allowed me to go with my gut and allowed the lady to like it. Driving home after my first day I think that was one of the only moments that I actually felt good and confident about.
Day two I knew that I had started my first day on the wrong foot. My own foot. Just like I had with my first job interview. *Face Palm* Before I even got in my car to drive to the design store that morning I gave the day to the Lord. God, you know that I started yesterday on the wrong foot. I need you to go ahead of me today and everyday. I can’t keep trying to do this myself. Help me in every situation that comes up at work and help me to trust you.” I don’t think I need to tell you that my second day was completely different. God took hold of the day and my heart and encouraged me in everything. Gah, just thinking back on it now, I honestly have no words. It wasn’t that everything went smooth – there were hiccups, I messed up but God allowed me to keep my confidence and simply trust him! You know? Even still, the next day before work I was doing my devotions and I felt God speaking to me through it, “Don’t be so hard on yourself I can bring good even out of your mistakes…” I was beating myself up about the mistakes that I had been making at work because I felt that I should be doing better than I was. “Relax Payton. You’re not perfect and you never will be. Let your mistakes go and stop allowing them to define you! Even though you made many mistakes at work in your first two days – I am still using you there! Breath in and breath out.” My devotional continued, “Because you are human, you will continue to make mistakes. Thinking you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. Your failures can be a source of blessing, humbling you and giving you empathy for other people in their weaknesses. Best of all, failure highlights your dependance on me. I am able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes. Trust Me, and watch to see what I will do.” I was blown away.
I think the thing that gets me excited is that God allows me to make my own choices and screw up. Both with the interview and starting my job He let me try it on my own first then showed me what He could do. It’s not that God forced me to let Him help me – He made me ask for it, you know what I’m saying? I know I’m gunna forget again and again but I also know that God is going to tap me on the shoulder when I forget and offer His help. I think that’s something that we need to be applying to every single thing in our lives; that we wouldn’t try to do everything on our own and that we wouldn’t depend on our own strength or knowledge all the time. Actually, Proverbs 3:5-6 comes to mind, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Even when I think I’ve got it and I’m capable of completing something myself – there’s always something that can go wrong. Even with God’s help things can still go wrong. Our task is to just trust Him. Trust that He’s making all the pieces fit together. Whatever you’ve got going on is encourage you guys to start everyday with Christ. Giving Him the day and asking Him to use you for His own greater picture!
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5
– Stay Satisfied