Hey, I haven’t died yet…

I haven’t blogged in almost exactly a month. There is SO much weight in that. Not a day goes by when I’m not thinking about what’s going on in my life and how much I want to tell everyone about it. That actually sounds extremely cheesy but it’s SO true. I’ve literally been taking photos of things to remember to share them with you and my phone photo library is pretty much exploding. Not gunna lie, I’ve felt guilty about not blogging and sharing what God’s been putting on my heart but things kept coming up; whether I had to go home on the weekend, there was an exam at school I needed to study for or assignments that I was working late on – you name it. But it got me thinking, why on earth, was all of this stuff coming up so suddenly? So the other night I had a couple minutes to flip back to my last blog and it hit me. The last thing I shared with you was how I felt that God was calling me to missions. I totally believe that made the devil mad and he was obviously doing everything he could to stop me from continuing to share about Christ and all that He’s doing in me. SO. on that note. Pushing everything else aside. This is what God’s done this past month. I hope you have a hot coffee….pot… that is full because I do *wink*

Coffee

Recently I’ve felt a lot of guilt – not conviction – guilt. Like, I kept thinking to myself about how I felt the Lord putting missions on my heart – don’t get me wrong, I TOTALLY believe that is where God is calling me but I just felt like, why am I going to school for design? Why do I live in the prairies? Why…….etc….etc *yawn* I think we’ve all heard that super critical Christian sob story. Q the terrible violin screeching… But despite all that, I still felt like I wasn’t fulfilling what God was putting on my heart. I dunno, maybe it was because I wasn’t shoving the Bible down people’s throats. Maybe it’s cause I haven’t sold literally every possession I own under the sun and high tailed it to some foreign country. Or Maybe it’s cause I’m sitting in a class room learning how to construct a house instead of teaching others about the Lord. You know? But today in church, God came along side me and said, “It’s Ok”. Do you know how amazing those words feel when you literally, just don’t know? They felt incredible coming from God this morning. I kid you not. Right away, Pastor Bryce dove into his message talking about putting our trust in God in three major areas of our life. In our head, in our heart and our hands. He went on to explain that to truly live something out we have to first of all believe it, have a reason or need to believe it and then to act on it. Hence the head, heart, hand motion. But specifically speaking putting our full belief and trust in Jesus Christ. Sometimes, the shortest distances are the hardest journeys. Pastor Bryce focused on how God is great, so why should we worry. Worry = doubt of what God is fully capable of doing. “Because God is great – You don’t have to be in control. You don’t have to know what is coming down the pipe. Because God is in control, all you have to do is be willing.” Willing. That word smacked me right between the eyes.

“Nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” – 2 Chronicles 20:12

The second point was trusting God in our heart and the third point was putting our trust and belief into action with our hands. Not only do we have to put our trust completely in God but we also have to be willing to follow through. For example, in Matthew 14: 22-36 we read about Jesus walking on water. Peter’s heart was willing to trust Jesus by asking him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water!” (Verse 28) Jesus then answers Peter, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” but Peter still had the choice to act on his belief. Or, put the trust to his “hands”. Peter believed in his heart and knew in his head and still got out of the boat, in faith, to put his belief and trust to action. You see what I’m getting at here? Personally, with this whole missions thing, I feel like I know this is trust in my mind and I believe in my heart but the big opportunity to apply my faith and trust just hasn’t come yet. And that’s what I’m waiting for. After the service ended, our youth pastor announced that he was resigning. He is an amazing youth pastor, I know I haven’t gotten to know him very well but from what I do know of the man and what everyone has said about him he sounds like a quality man of God who is truly seeking to know the Lord. Anyways, him resigning wasn’t what made me nearly fall outta the pew. It’s what he said as he was telling the congregation, “I believe that the Lord is calling me to something else. Something new and something that will be exciting in my walk with Him. I have no idea what that is. But I know that God is leading me and and all I can simply do is make myself available and follow.” Excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor. I felt, that although he was explaining why he was resigning, God was completely speaking through him; to me. I have no idea what to do with this calling to missions. I know that I need to go to Rio in summer 2016 to share Christ with all the nations that will be there celebrating the Olympics but A) that’s only three weeks long and B) that’s still two years away! Other than that… I feel like I’m walking around with a blank look on my face wondering where the cross walk is… you know? Despite all that… God gave me an insane amount of peace after the service, I felt Him speaking to my heart softly, God knows the inner frustration I’m battling right now. “Payton, you don’t know and that’s ok. You aren’t supposed to know right now. Right now, you have heard my calling I have for you and you are excited for it! That’s exactly what I need of you. Continue with where I currently have you. Be My Light.

Guys, even though I haven’t been keeping you up to date on all that’s happened this month, today was a mile stone for me in the journey that God is calling me. Right now, the distance isn’t long. It’s the waiting game that’s difficult and Satan is desperately trying to make sure that I die out and that my flame is reduced. It was interesting, the other week a friend shot me a text asking to pray for him because he was feeling really burdened by the devil. I responded immediately with words that were not my own. But I’m realizing right now that as much as God was able to encourage my friend through what He said through me, I’m able to be encouraged by them and I hope they can encourage you!

Quote

I don’t know what’s going on in your mind or your heart or what you’re doing with your hands, but I want to challenge you to accept the adventure that God is inviting you to. The other day in my devotional book, it challenged me, “Give yourself FULLY to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of life, relying on your ever present Companion {God} You have every reason to be confident because My presence accompanies you all the days of your life – and onward to eternity. Do not give into fear, or worry or doubt. They will only rob you from abundant living. Trust me enough to face problems as the come, rather than trying to anticipate them.”

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you.” – Isaiah 41:13

It is ok for us to not know the next step in life. I was skyping a girlfriend of mine and she described her future like a fog. “I know that the fog is ahead of me, I can see the clearance. But I don’t know if beyond the fog leads to a death drop or a paradise peak.” It made me think a lot after I finished skying her. We don’t know what the future could hold. Yeah, my whole calling for missions could go completely down hill and I hit rock bottom wondering why I ever thought I had the calling to go. Orrrrrrr it could be amazing and God could completely open the doors and provide opportunities to share Christ with others and what He has done in my life. We. Don’t. Know. Today, I went gopher hunting for the first time with a couple friends and of the the guys teaching me how to shoot told me a quote he had heard, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” That can be applied to anything – not just hunting. I’ll miss 100% of the adventures that I’m to afraid to leave the house for. You’ll lose 100% of the battles you don’t fight for. Honestly, the list could go on and on.

One last note. I know, I know, “You haven’t written for a month and now you’re clobbering us with one big long one…” Weeeeeell, if it’s really that bad, read to a certain paragraph, refill you’re coffee and come back and finish it, grab something that’ll go straight to your thighs too…. that always help me *wink* Anyways,I’ve been pulling my hair out about not knowing exactly what God’s got up His sleeve for my life. I mean, not actually, I know that I have to finish school which will take me till June 2016 and then I have the Summer Olympic games in 2016 but what happens in between those events or even after that? God laughed at me. No actually. Listen, “Don’t take yourself so seriously. Lighten up and laugh with Me. You have Me on your side, so what are you worried about? I can equip you to do absolutely anything, as long as it is in My will. Anxiety wraps you up in yourself, trapping you in your own thoughts. When you look to Me, and whisper My name, you break free and receive My help. Focus on Me Payton. and you will find peace in My presence.” I have to trust Him and so you do you. I don’t know what you’re battling right now, just finished battling or maybe preparing for a battle but know that if you have trusted Jesus Christ as your Saviour – He will never abandon you.

“Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave us the Spirit as a deposit guaranteeing what is to come. ” – 2 Corinthians 5:5

 

 

– Stay Satisfied

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